Unintentional Intention

So, I didn't mean to do a blog on nothingness, which should have been the title to my last entry, but hey, we'll just save it for later.  Okay, I'm doing it again.  BABBLING.  No, I'm not from the city of Babel.

Well, what I really intended to write was that life is so full of wonderfulness, and i really appreciate artists that capture life's beauty into a picture, or written words, or a song.  And i love the fact that some of my very best friends/frogs are these artists.

Life...

 so much more than getting a degree that declares you can provide adequate care for people.  

A life,

 is worth much more than the nitty-gritty-itty-bitty-barby-warby (okay, made up the last two words) details that make "adequate care".  

Sometimes 

it pains me that right now as I'm "caring" for a patient, I'm really caring more about me, and the skill that I'm doing, and that I'm proving to my instructor that I'm capable.  

Because... 

what about the life 

that is in this bed.  Am i really caring for it by not paying attention to it?

When?

I haven't been blogging.  Which was bound to happen, since I've ended my summer days.  And just now when I viewed my blog I was wondering... Who changed my template?  And how did someone change my template?  Plus, the template is not that appealing...

But, I soon realized that it was me.  I did it. I'm the culprit to my own mystery, which didn't really last too long.  Tops, like 30 seconds.

So now I've come up with a new mystery.  When.  When did that happen?  And since there is no timestamp on when someone changes their template.  This one will surely remain a mystery.

Tonight I had a long talk with an old friend...

Let me define "old."

"Old friend" means--we went through the good and the bad together, and hey, we're still friends.  

It's the who would have thunk that we would make it--but we did kind of friendship.  The kind that you treasure in hindsight and still hold on to because you really do value that person.  And although the right opportunity to express it has passed, you're not going to miss that second chance.

I kind of like "old friend," it has a kindling to it.  It has history and present, and there's room for future.

It's also the last three letters of the word "gold," which I happen to think was birthed by the combination of adding "good" and "old" together, as in the phrase, "good old friend," or in other words, "gold friend."

I just hope my "gold friend" isn't offended at this phrase, and think it relates in any way to the fact that we're over 30.  ;O)  It was nice seeing you Em.

Nicki

A well of a woman, beyond the box of this modern world.

She is still deep and elusive.  An anomaly, an enigma, a Mona Lisa.  Someone that easily confuses those that need to put a label on people.   

Now, she's a wife of 10 years and a mom of four beautiful children.  I see her differently and yet I see her the same.  This girl that is 14 years older than 17.

I have much to be grateful for her--She brought me back to Jesus and corrected me in her loving way.  She stood by my side when I made a wrong choice and cried tears that I was too numb to feel.  She laughed and still does at my zaniness, and forgives my faults, my stumbling words and my absences when I should have been present.  I am so grateful to be loved by her and I just want to say, "Thank you Nicki".

The effects of ONE comment

Having a new blog is like buying a new pair of shoes that you really shouldn't have, but you did.  You allow Conscience to have it's way for a while, not wearing it, but maybe trying it on here and there, letting it linger in the closet, seeing whether it'll truly claim it's space among your other pairs, overcoming Conscience's desire to throw it out.

And then one day you tell one friend, one solitary morsel of a friend, about your secret new pair of shoes and she confirms it for you.  Yes.  Wear it, use it, do-the-blog.

So now, I have ripped off the price tags, for better or worse, ready to enjoy my newly purchased blog and trample around in this cyberscopic world.

Fearless

Lesson 1: I can Blog and be a blogger and have no qualms about it.

Question 1: What is a qualm?

Answer 1: Qualm (noun)

1. a sudden attack (as of nausea)
2. a sudden feeling of doubt, fear, or uneasiness especially in not following one's conscience or better judgement

Enlightenment 1: I have broken through and can no longer go back.  I am blogging.